What's My Name

timemakesnomistakes asked: virtual hug <3

^,^ ahh I love hugs!

landerson4793 asked: You're sweet :)

You’re beautiful

loveisneverold asked: Hi there precious, thank you so much for following me, following back. Take care xoxo :)

^,^ hey there, welcome love. Enjoy

alec-bings asked: This might be a weird question, but after a few less-than-pleasant experiences I am trying to be PROACTIVE. I want to follow you because your poems are really raw and have a lot of something I can't articulate, emotions-wise, but I want to know if you ever post anything about your struggles with self-harm that could be triggering. I don't think you should censure yourself for the sake of others, so I'm asking first. Hope you don't mind.

Not really. My triggers are… Hmm.. The things that triggered me are limited in my life now. And I don’t think I post anything that would trigger others- that I know of. Also, I got this so for once I wouldn’t have to censor myself because people always freak out when I show my poems or talk about how I really feel and I don’t like the guilty feeling I get when I make people unhappy. But if I do trigger someone I’d like them to tell me anon or not so I know to not post it or to edit it.

loneookami asked: Hello there and welcome to following me, it will be full of naked, gorgeous ladies and some things i find humorous. So please keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times and enjoy the ride.

Lol best message ever

I wrote this like four weeks ago and won a poetry slam contest with it.

This is the hardest thing I have done
Pain ripping through my ribcage
I’m a loser
I’m a monster
Screams erupt inside my brain
Crumpling like paper mâché
Crumpling like dust
I am nothing.
I am nothing. 

Swept from the floor
With the glass from the vase
Nothing could piece us together again.
Nothing could fix this.
Like holes in pockets
I have lost you
I have lost me
Many times wandering alone
And I don’t think I can find myself.
I think I have died.

I breathe,
Hands reaching out of my soul
Reaching for the air
Looking for openness
The alone.
The state of darkness and cold
-Bodies may hold heat
But not like two-
Two is so much better.
You were so much better.

I can’t believe I’m saying this
No I don’t want this pain
I don’t want to hurt you.
My hands raised in protection
Like nothing can save me now.
Nothing could stop these words
From drooling out my mouth.
I can’t let you hurt from me.
I won’t stand by your aching heart.
I swear. I’m trying to do best. 

The ocean washes over me
It rocks my heart and breaks my cage
The choir beats it out
Weeping.
Weeping.
Weeping by the tree.
Sweeping along such bruising ground.
Under this dirt the dead are walking.
Looking for a soul
But I can’t take this. 

My fingers are curling
Looking powder blue
Weak-kneed and naked
Above a bed of roses
Waiting to taste my blood.
My tongue swallowed or ripped off
Can’t say how this feels.
Can’t explain nothing
But lemmie try.

My voice is sound
I can’t feel it
You can’t see it shaking.
You can’t feel the way it moves
But it’s there
It’s no ones but the winds and here it speaks.

I pray to get out alive.
Peeling back the wallpaper
Ripping skin from muscle and bone
Blockading my mind
Trying to protect me.
Trying to protect you.
I don’t want to hurt you.
I swear.
If you hear me.
If you’re breaking.
I promise.
I dreamed of forever.
No crosses count.
You can take my hands. 

I cried tonight
The bodies of men.
Folding from my eyes
I’m shaking—but breathing
Feeling the moon
Thunderous breathing
My lungs heaving
I sprint the miles.
My aching body

Fine tuned as laces
Tripping towards the pavement
Bursting from life 

Not even music can save us now.
Cliff-hanger; Bungee jump
Something stupid to get me smart
Boil some feelings till they burn
‘Cause I can’t know
Shakespeare wrote
“Love doth kill.”
How long before…what?

I wrote this last night. I like hearing thoughts.

I’m reaching out

It hurts like you couldn’t feel 
Like the rattling inside our chest
Is a seven year old’s piggy bank
And I’ve been saving for years. 
Every letter for everyday of my prison days.
The stamps still sticking 
The front sealed shut
You never bothered to learn 
Every person has their words
Their places to be 
Things to do
And sometimes we get hurt there
In the moment of a light shutting off
Or busses rolling by
And we are bedtime stories
Or nightlights
To protect 
And chase the fear away
That’s why parents grab flags
March back in forth on a box in my living room
Fighting
For something that doesn’t even matter
They just want to show
The child who hung himself
Before he could even have a middle school crush or a high school prom
Was not alone
And he will be protected
In his death
They will get ride of his fears
Cause all children
Have the same gears clicking on the inside 
And somewhere out there
Is a safe place
A home for them to be
My home was a disaster
It was filled to the top with fears
And sealed shut like a time capsule 
My safety was a shiny piece of metal 
And it stung like a bee
At was a beautiful sight 
Like a image Edgar Allen Poe 
Could look upon with a pride only seen in soldiers and cops
For killing- even in books
Is a masterpiece of art
And I died 
More times than a cat
With my thousand hearts
And creative mind
We don’t know how I survived
With my suicide
And medicine 
My demons of the night
The eeriness 
And moonless times
It’s a wonder I’m still alive
Like a magic show
Or happy ending 
I trudge on still.
I’ve got many chains
And bullet holes
But heroes stand beside me
You hate us all
And try to hit 
With your broken knuckles
And your burning flame
But today you can’t touch me
And tomorrow looks bad too
But I hope you’re getting better
I hope you read my letters
They tell you everything
You wish you never said
They tell you everything 
You thought you had forgotten
They tell you everything
I never did
To take away my
Fear.